I hate this part.

i'm bile,loathe,bothered,vexation,worries,upset,annoyance,agony.
the trouble,the mood baffles description.
i'm feeling blue now.
even in relationship,work,money,frens,my behavior.
i'm the loser,jobbernowl,fool,dipshit,idiot.
i have the great liseners,so what?
i need a confidant.
i treat my fren like confidant,per contra,urs did it like me???
i need to do a prefect christian u just can be christian and good girl/boy?
even wat i did,in everybody eyes,i alway is the wrong 1.
even how i make an efforts,try to be good.
in the end,all my efforts were wasted.
my fren asked and scold me.a impudent girl!!when u just can unpresuming in ur life?
and attend to our Lord?
she mean in my relationship with pat.
after december,i think i'm wanted for question by my leader..
i think i'm struggling....
pls be honest with me.
everytime,need me to ask 2 times 3 times u just admit.
everytime,u must let me to expose wat u did.
why u can't learns to honest with me.must let me feel disappointed?
i'll repel by u.
or u r really the ignorance and simplicity 1?
i'm struggling again.
everytime,i'll follow my join my fren to enjoy.shop.movie.
everytime,my sis'll ask me to read holy bible and pray hard.learn to resist.
everytime,i knew wat's the black,wat's the white.i understand the truth.
why?why i'll attract by the black?
i understand way of God.i understand wat's the good.
why?i'll hate to listen my sis opinion on me?
i knew in the future my heavenly father will judge me.
why?why i'm still impenitence?why i'm still stubborn?or i'm still childish?
i knew my family always gave me advice for me not be naughty and not follow bad examples..
i'll take their advice.but in front of urs,i'll won't admit.
why?why i'm so..respectable.
i understand wat their think.all i alr understand.but i'll unwilling to acknowledge defeat.
why i'll be childish in my family?
because i'm the youngest,smallest in my house?
because god,mum and pat spoiled me like a child d?
in church,many quarrel,rights and wrongs..
anyone will put the record straight.
how can i make a distinction between right and wrong?
who i can to trust?
hmmm....stop to think...
many doubt in my mind...